we didn't start the nuclear war V2

Since all suspected parties are putting their hands over their ears and singing an awful rendition of "We Didn't Start the Nuclear War", we're going to find out who ''did'' start the nuclear war! [[If you say so...->CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER]] [[You know what, I'd rather not->It's... No One, Actually]]

<h3>(text-style: "rumble") + (colour: purple) [Bollocks.]</h3> When the Brits said that the sun sets on the British Empire, this may not have been what they meant... However, it's a little too late for take backs now. They and the baguette-loving, wine-drinking French monsieurs had the guts to use the launch codes after all. Unfortunately for the rest of the world, we'll have to wait a few million millennia before we get decent crossiants again... We're spotted dick isn't the pinnacle of British cuisine, eh? ''THE UNITED KINGDOM (AND FRANCE)'' started the nuclear war.

<h3>(text-style: "rumble") + (colour: purple) [Well, I wish I could say that came out of nowhere.]</h3> I guess South Africa's got their wish after all – Angola's been wiped off the map! No more communist insurgencies and no chance of its backyard becoming a Cold War theatre. On the downside, the southern half of the continent is now in nuclear winter. Yikes. ''SOUTH AFRICA AND ISRAEL'' started the nuclear war.

Well, it looks like your cool-cat demeanour has brought you to the right place – just like in (either: 1960, 1965, 1967, 1979, 1983), the nuclear launch turned out to be a ''false alarm''. (Either: "Oops", "Oeps", "Oups", "ой", "אופס")! The offending party is very apologetic, and promise to sign on to the Non-Proliferation Treaty immediately – coincidentally, they're the last and final nuclear-weapon state that hasn't previously done so. You've inadvertently facilitated world peace! <p>''NOBODY'' started the nuclear war. ''WORLD PEACE'' has been achieved – for now...</p>

<h3>(text-style: "rumble") + (colour: red)[Oops. Someone's launched their nuclear arsenal.]</h3> [[Oh no, what are we going to do? ->INTRO]] [[F-I-N-A-L-L-Y. I was tired of whatever-mania, anyway->WHATEVS]]

Well, you don't sound like you're very bothered. [[Nuclear war, schmuclear war, it's all the same to me ->It's... No One, Actually]] [[You know what, I //do// give a damn->INTRO]]

<h4>THE PENTAGON</h4> What a mess. Your European NATO allies have been increasingly uneasy amidst reports that the Soviet Union have been up to something. The red telephone's been quiet, though, and your spies haven't reported anything of particular interest. Still, the Europeans' daily calls and constant paranoia's been getting annoying... [[Reassure your allies.-> USA2]] Your allies are your allies, as high and mighty as they may be. Besides, America has the firepower to protect them against the Soviets, even if the President doesn't know it yet... [[Whatever, Europe.-> UK/FRA1]] If the Europeans can't trust in America's power, that's //their// problem. The contient's glory days are over, anyway; keeping them on their toes won't hurt.

<h4>THE PENTAGON</h4> You've sufficiently placated your allies for now. But before you can get on with your day – reports start coming in, warning that the Soviets are sending missiles to Cuba. ''Cuba''. Which is only 90 miles away from Florida. [[That's it, I'm done with this.-> USA3]] You have a holiday planned in Florida next week, and a missile crisis simply //can't// get in the way of that. [[This is way above my paygrade.-> It's... The United States!]] Your sure partner's planned a wonderful holiday in Florida, but it's not like it's a state that'd be missed, anyway...

<h4>LONDON/PARIS</h4> Rumours of Soviet activity have left the UK and France on edge, and the bloody Americans haven't been of much use, either. The British's strained ties with the other continental countries haven't helped with getting reliable sources of infromation, but your own spy network is robust. The latest emergancy brief sits on your desk, reporting that the Soviets are planning to launch their missiles in 48 hours. As you're on to phone your French counterpart, discussing a course of action, a breathless aide barges into your office, clearly having run to get here. "Sir, don't retaliate! A German brief's come in claiming that those signals came from a wedge of swans flying over Turkey!" [[Swans over Turkey, YOU MEAN SOVIET MISSILES? ->ARE YOU SURE?]] [[Bother that, are we really going to trust foreign sources over our own?->It's... The United Kingdom! And France!]]

<h4>THE PENTAGON</h4> After several gruelling weeks of communicating and making backdoor deals with the Soviets, America's managed to de-escalate the situation. Hurrah, you've avoided catastrophe for now! (You better be getting a raise for this...) Time goes on. America continues to strive to spread freedom and democracy over the world, even if it has to overthrow a few governments along the way – those third-world conturies *cannot* turn to socialist regimes. [[Maybe we should send some aid to the South Africans, then.->SA/ISR]] They've had some trouble with communist-backed revolutions in their backyard, and there's the backlash against the apartheid issue that they've got to deal with too... [[Installing undemocratic regimes feels kind of wrong... -> USSR1]] Maybe, just maybe, the Soviets were right about //something//...

<h4>PRETORIA</h4> South Africa's been in a sticky situation, what with that little issue of apartheid and the international sanctions it's been hit with – and those pesky, communist-affiliated rebellions in your neighbouring countries (Angola and those damned Cubans...). Luckily, Israel's proven to be an unexpected ally, and thanks to its links with the Brits, has shared some very special weapons knowledge with you... What are you going to do with your shiny new nuclear technology? [[Test it out in Angola.->It's... South Africa and Israel!]] Africa's //not// going to become a Cold War theatre, thank you very much. [[Develop it further.->It's... The Soviet Union 2!]] You'll show the Americans and the Soviets what you're made of.

<h4>THE KREMLIN</h4> Damn the Americans for hampering our continuous efforts at realising the glory of international communism! Our superior technology, weaponry, and - Wait, what's this? They've just had the audacity to launch //five// missiles at us??? [[HIT THE BUTTON.-> It's... The Soviet Union!]] If we go down, they're going down with us. [[HIT THE BUTTON.-> USSR2]] If we go down, they're–

<h4>LONDON/PARIS</h4> "Are you sure that they were swans, not Soviet missiles?" You think you hear your French counterpart throwing up on the other end of the line. [[YES, THEY'RE SWANS!-> UK/FRA2]] [[UMM... ->It's... The United Kingdom! And France!]]

<h4>LONDON/PARIS</h4> "''Sacré bleu!''" Your French counterpart breathes out a sigh of relief. After waiting with bated breath for confirmation of the //swans//, of all things, the crisis has been momentarily adverted. But what if this happens again? And what if the swans //do// turn out to be missiles the next time? [[Bollocks to the Americans.->SA/ISR]] They've clearly proven themselves to be unreliable. How about we turn to our old ~~subjects~~ friends, the colonies, instead? [[Bollocks to the Soviets.-> It's... The United States!]] Fine, fine, maybe we should reconcile with the Americans and see what they have up their sleeves.

<h3>(text-style: "rumble") + (colour: purple) [Boom. I bet you didn't see //this// coming, eh?]</h3> Keen to protect their Angolian allies, the ''Soviet Union'' pre-emptively launched its nuclear arsenal at Pelindaba, the heart of South Africa's nuclear programme. While that's effectively put a stop to the fledging South Africa/Israel nuclear programme, it's also angered their very powerful allies, who also have nuclear weapons of their own... ''THE SOVIET UNION'' started the nuclear war.

<h3>(text-style: "rumble") + (colour: purple)["Workers of the world, unite!"]</h3> The Soviet Union //did// start the nuclear war, thank you very much. Sure, the Americans may not have //actually// launched those five missiles, and the Lieutenant Colonel may have tried to warn you against pressing the button, but it's the principle of the thing, you know? Be as that may, the threat of Mutually Assured Destruction's very real, and the Americans are about to launch their missiles (for real) in 3, 2, 1– '' THE SOVIET UNION'' started the nuclear war.

<h4>THE KREMLIN</h4> Well, it's a good thing that the Lieutenant Colonel bodily shoved you away from that button. I mean, we all almost make little mistakes that might cause Mutually Assured Destruction, right? The Americans *have* sent a transmission over, though, and using the red telephone hotline... [[Who's done what now?->SA/ISR]] [[Do I have to care, though?->It's... South Africa and Israel 2!]]

<h4>Before we can begin, though – there's a choice to be made.</h4> A bipolar world order it may be, but breakfast is still the most important meal of the day – or so breakfast cereal advertisments would have you believe. So, what are //you// having for breakfast? [[(Either: "Pancakes", "Cereal", "Waffles")->USA1]], the food of the free! [[(Either: "Porridge", "Fried Eggs with Jam", "A Cheese and Sausage Sandwich")-> USSR1]], the food of the people!

<h3>(text-style: "rumble") + (colour: purple)[Alright then.]</h3> For all their posturing, it appears that the Americans launched those nuclear weapons in the end, Mutually Assured Destruction (and just destruction in general, apparently) be damned. Trigger-happy indeed! I guess the Soviet Union's got the moral high ground on this one... Until they decide to retaliate, of course. ''THE UNITED STATES'' started the nuclear war.

<h3>(text-style: "rumble") + (colour: purple) [Hmm, maybe you should have.]</h3> It turns out that South Africa and Israel were secretly developing nuclear weapons together, and decided to test them out on Angloa – who, by the way, had //also// been trying to warn you about this. That's one more blow to the Communist International dream, then... ''SOUTH AFRICA AND ISRAEL'' started the nuclear war.