Purple Crocodile in Red Letters

(text-colour:black)["You see? I've heard many good stories from my friends' cousin about her childminder." My neighbour Maria determinely scrolls through her phone. I know I cannot avoid this conversation any longer. She points to the Facebook advertisment she has shown me before. "It's //free//, Sofia, free! You're an idiot if you choose to ignore this once again!" It's true I've hardly managed to work part-time and take care of Miguel and Isabella. At an age of 7 and 10, they're just too young to manage certain things by themselves. Besides, the wages of working full-time would help us live just a little bit more comfortably. Yet... can a childcare organization really live up to the promise of 'free childcare services for families with a low income or parents who recently lost their jobs.'? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[It's too good to be true]] [[Ofcourse not, it's an allowance provided by the government. Why should I distrust them?]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[Basically, one is eligible for childcare allowance based on income and should be able to provide valid proof of any of their payments and salary. The validation of documents tends to take very long, that's why I'm allowed a deposit. Once any file is invalid, the Belastingdienst will reclaim the entire sum of money I am given. But I have nothing to worry. I always have my things right in order. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[A year later]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

#(text-colour:purple)[Purple Crocodile] in (text-colour:#a40a0a)[Red Letters] (text-style:"italic")[Content warning – this game discusses suicidal feelings and materials that may be harmful or traumatizing to others. In case you're dealing with any of these emotions, please know you're not alone and that there's help available: (text-colour:#a40a0a)[0800-0113]] ###In 2004... the insurance company OHRA created a Dutch commercial, often referred to as "Purple Crocodile" (in dutch: Paarse Krokodil), addressing the redundant obstacles and inefficiencies caused by [[bureaucracy]].

(text-colour:black)[It's February 12th 2011 when I receive a (text-colour:#a40a0a)[red letter] from the Belastingdienst. They have noticed some missing bank statements that proof my eligibility for the childcare allowance. There must have been a minor mistake. Do I resend the documents or call the Belastingdienst? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Resend the missing bank statements]] [[Call the Belastingdienst about the strange letter]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[A few months later I receive another letter, mentioning the same documents are still missing. PostNL must have messed it up like they usually do, or do I call the Belastingdienst? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[PostNL must have messed it up like they usually do, I'll just resend the documents]] [[Call the Belastingdienst once more]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[The Belastingdienst officer assured me that no mistakes were made by the authorities. I must have missed some documents during 2010 and she strongly recommends that I send all of my bank statements from that year. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Resend the missing bank statements]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[Another (text-colour:#a40a0a)[red letter] arrives at my doorstep, strongly advising me to submit documents that they have been requesting for a long time. The notice warns me that if I fail to provide the necessary papers, it may result in serious consequences for my alleged "fraud." The letter startles me. I cannot let PostNL screw this up once more. I decide to personally deliver the documents to the Belastingdienst's desk. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Going to the desk of the Belastingdienst]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I've already send the documents twice, they couldn't have disappeared each time. However, the officer doesn't seem much convinced by my story. In order to prevent any mistakes from happening through mail, she advises me to visit the official frontdesk of the Belastingdienst. Here I should be able to deliver all of the required documents personally. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Going to the desk of the Belastingdienst]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I search for the location of the frontdesk of the department of allowances, when I find out... that there is none? I am sent to the desk of the Belastingdienst, where the documents will be forwarded to a so-called 'scan street', or whatever that may be. They will make sure the scanned files are deliverd to the right person at the department of allowances. This is strange... But, at least it's no longer my concern. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[A few months later...]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[It's a sunny friday morning on August 6 2011, the 10th year anniversary of our marriage. Our moods are joyous, both of us have taken the day off to celebrate the occassion in the amusement park the Efteling. After months of hard work, we are finally able to take trips like these without any financial worries. As I'm in the kitchen, my husband walks in and hands me a (text-colour:#a40a0a)[red letter] that fills me with dread. His expression is troubled. I carefully open the letter, knowing that whatever is written inside will ruin the rest of our day. My eyes scan over the pages, struggling to comprehend the words, but there are a few numbers I can not overlook. The Belastingdienst demands that I repay (text-colour:#a40a0a)[30.000 euros] within 2 weeks. I feel all the blood rushing to my head. This cannot be true! What should I do? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Call the Belastingdienst]] [[Object]] [[Visit the office]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["I swear! I've sent them three times already. Only a few months ago I physically handed in all of my bank statements of the year 2010 to the frontdesk of the Belastingdienst." "Ma'am, please calm your temper. If you had actually done as you promised, we should have had it in our system. You must have overlooked some details." I can feel the phone shaking in my hand. "And just because some small part is missing, I must repay the entire deposit? That's criminal! Why can't you just let me compensate for the month of which the documentation is lacking?" "There's not much else I can do... Is there anything else I can help you with? Our services are extremely flooded by demand. Many people are waiting in the qeue right now." "No, //you// can't help me any further." I hang up the phone. The conversation has made me slightly more concerned. There must be someone else who could help me, right? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Visit the office after calling first<- Visit the office]] [[Object after calling first<- Object]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I was able to file an objection and I did so immediately. Once again, I received no response. I resubmitted the objection to the Belastingdienst office in Almere. There were also a number of conversations about the high amount of the claim. It was only the beginning of endless phone calls and objections. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Call after objecting<- Call the Belastingdienst]] [[Visiting the office after objecting<- Visit the office]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["I swear! I've sent them three times already. Only a few months ago I physically handed in all of my bank statements of the year 2010 to the frontdesk of the Belastingdienst." "Ma'am, please calm your temper. If you had actually done as you promised, we should have had it in our system. You must have overlooked some details." I am clenching the wooden seat in the characterless, cramped office space. The entire room is designed for temporary use. "And just because some small part is missing, I must repay the entire deposit? That's criminal! Why can't you just let me compensate for the month of which the documentation is lacking?" "There's not much else I can do... Is there anything else I can help you with? Our services are extremely flooded by demand. Many people are waiting in the qeue right now." "No, //you// can't help me any further." I hurrily exit the room. The conversation has made me slightly more concerned. There must be someone else who could help me, right? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Call after visiting the office<- Call the Belastingdienst]] [[Object after visiting the office<- Object]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I was able to file an objection and I did so immediately. Once again, I received no response. I resubmitted the objection to the Belastingdienst office in Almere. It was only the beginning of endless phone calls and objections. No one believes me. How is it possible that my documents are not being received? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Visit the office after calling and objecting first<- Visit the office]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["Ma'am have you read the terms and conditions before you requested this allowance?" "Yes..." "Well, then you have also read the official measures the Belastingdienst is allowed to take once a person commits fraude." "I'm not a fraude!" I can feel the phone shaking in my hand. "If you are certain... The letter offered the opportunity to object. I propose you take legal steps as I see no other option for you left." ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Object after visiting the office and calling first<- Object]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I was able to file an objection and I did so immediately. Once again, I received no response. I resubmitted the objection to the Belastingdienst office in Almere. It was only the beginning of endless phone calls and objections. No one believes me. How is it possible that my documents are not being received? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Call after visiting the office and objecting first<- Call the Belastingdienst]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["I swear! I've sent them three times already. Only a few months ago I physically handed in all of my bank statements of the year 2010 to the frontdesk of the Belastingdienst." "Ma'am, please calm your temper. If you had actually done as you promised, we should have had it in our system. You must have overlooked some details." I can feel the phone shaking in my hand. "And just because some small part is missing, I must repay the entire deposit? That's criminal! Why can't you just let me compensate for the month of which the documentation is lacking?" "There's not much else I can do... Is there anything else I can help you with? Our services are extremely flooded by demand. Many people are waiting in the qeue right now." "No, //you// can't help me any further." I hang up the phone. The conversation has made me slightly more concerned. There must be someone else who could help me, right? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Visit the office after objecting and calling first<- Visit the office]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["I swear! I've sent them three times already. Only a few months ago I physically handed in all of my bank statements of the year 2010 to the frontdesk of the Belastingdienst." "Ma'am, please calm your temper. If you had actually done as you promised, we should have had it in our system. You must have overlooked some details." I am clenching the wooden seat in the characterless, cramped office space. The entire room is designed for temporary use. "And just because some small part is missing, I must repay the entire deposit? That's criminal! Why can't you just let me compensate for the month of which the documentation is lacking?" "There's not much else I can do... Is there anything else I can help you with? Our services are extremely flooded by demand. Many people are waiting in the qeue right now." "No, //you// can't help me any further." I hurrily exit the room. The conversation has made me slightly more concerned. There must be someone else who could help me, right? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Calling after objecting and visiting the office first<- Call the Belastingdienst]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I was able to file an objection and I did so immediately. Once again, I received no response. I resubmitted the objection to the Belastingdienst office in Almere. It was only the beginning of endless phone calls and objections. No one believes me. How is it possible that my documents are not being received? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Share your struggles or keep it a secret?<-I feel so alone]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["Ma'am have you read the terms and conditions before you requested this allowance?" "Yes..." "Well, then you have also read the official measures the Belastingdienst is allowed to take once a person commits fraude." "I'm not a fraude!" I am clenching the wooden seat in the characterless, cramped office space. The entire room is designed for temporary use. "If you are certain... I advise you to continue to object. I see no other option for you left." I hurrily exit the room. I start to become more and more concerned. No one believes me. How is it possible that my documents are not being received? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Share your struggles or keep it a secret?<- I feel so alone]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I was able to file an objection and I did so immediately. Once again, I received no response. I resubmitted the objection to the Belastingdienst office in Almere. It was only the beginning of endless phone calls and objections. No one believes me. How is it possible that my documents are not being received? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Share your struggles or keep it a secret?<-I feel so alone]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["Ma'am have you read the terms and conditions before you requested this allowance?" "Yes..." "Well, then you have also read the official measures the Belastingdienst is allowed to take once a person commits fraude." "I'm not a fraude!" I am clenching the wooden seat in the characterless, cramped office space. The entire room is designed for temporary use. "If you are certain... I advise you to continue to object. I see no other option for you left." I hurrily exit the room. I start to become more and more concerned. No one believes me. How is it possible that my documents are not being received? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Share your struggles or keep it a secret?<- I feel so alone]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[During these past months my surroundings are starting to notice my absence. Should I share my struggles? Would they be able to understand? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Misunderstood<- I can't do this on my own any longer. I need to share this with someone.]] [[Social isolation<- I shouldn't draw anyone else into this mess. I'm afraid they'll judge me for the mistakes I made.]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I must get this off of my chest. Who do I turn to? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Family<- My family will always support me.]] [[Friends1<- My friends give me the best advice, they should be able to help me out of this situation.]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Chances were someone accused me of my own mistake. My family didn't even know I was in so much trouble. I wonder if things would have been different if I had opened up to someone. But if the government was unable to help, what do my family or friends have to offer? ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Friends<- Quit attending social events to save money.]] [[Children<- Get rid of the children's sports subscriptions to save money.]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[My parents were extremely disappointed upon hearing the news. "I feel like this is my mistake," my father said. "Yet it’s not. I am so sorry that I have children who are in debt, that is not how I raised you." ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Carry on]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I shared my misery with a couple of my closest friends. They were taken aback when they heard the number 30.000. They couldn't believe I let myself make such a massive mistake. Many offered to help. "Describe to me where exactly things took a wrong turn. Maybe send me the documents you've sent to the Belastingdienst and I'll be able to find the error." I felt dumb and insecure. After a few months of explaining, I couldn't anymore. So I hid it, and never spoke of it again. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Carry on]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[Over time, I found myself restricted to my house. My friends quit inviting me for drinks. I kept declining their offers because I simply couldn't afford it. My days consisted of calling, e-mailing, visiting the Belastingdienst office or sleeping. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Carry on]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I anticipated that Miguel would be greatly disappointed when I announced that he could no longer participate in soccer practice. Despite my best efforts to explain the situation, his young age made it difficult for him to understand. Now, his agitated presence had become another occupation of mine during the days where I struggled to work, do the household and communicate with the Belastingdienst. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Carry on]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)["Hi Sofia, could you please come to my office for a moment?" Upon entering the manager's office, I immediately sense that he has something troubling to share with me. "I'm very sorry to do this Sofia, however, I received this letter from the Belastingdienst that I must garnish your wages due to your immense debt." He already completed and signed the necessary paperwork. I'm shocked. As a diligent worker, I had hoped that he would be more supportive, and propose an alternative solution. Especially now I'm in such a deep low. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Continue working in an uncomfortable environment<- I continue to work in an uncomfortable environment.]] [[Quit<- I quit my job. I feel like I have been betrayed and I no longer feel safe in this work space.]] [[Take up an additional job<- I must make my rounds. I will take up an additional job to compensate for the loss I'll be making.]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I am interrupted from my tea by my colleague Merel calling my name repeatedly. "Sofia? ... Sofia!" Annoyed, I look up to see her trying to get my attention. "Hi there stranger, haha... how are you doing?," she asks. "I'm okay, just feeling a bit tired," I reply, but the answer doesn't seem to satfisfy her. "Is everything alright?" Merel takes a seat beside me. "We've noticed that you've been a little... different lately." I raise an eyebrow. "Different how?" Merel hesitates before responding. "Well, you seem more upset than usual. We're worried about you." ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Illness<- I take a deep breath, trying to control my irritation. "I appreciate your concern, but I assure you that I'm fine."]] [[Illness<- In a sharp tone, I retort, "Perhaps you should focus on your own matters instead of mine."]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[Once the kids are off to school, I spend most of my day in bed, sleeping until they come home I've attempted to take my mind off things by going for walks, watching TV, or reading, but this weight on my shoulders is always present. And it seems that staying at home only makes things worser. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Illness<- I should sleep less and go out more.]] [[Partner struggles<-I have a heart-to-heart with my partner.]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I have a new cleaning job where I work two nights a week. On those days, my routine typically involves finishing my daily shift, picking up my children from my grandparents, grocery shopping, quickly cooking dinner, and eating a fast meal myself before starting my cleaning shift that begins in half an hour. This pattern repeats for a few weeks, and my days are consumed with simply surviving. I'm not sure how much longer I can maintain this pace. ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Illness<- I continue to overwork.]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

My condition is worsening by day. I no longer eat and my sleep is disturbed. The constant worry of my enormous debt keeps me up at night. It's hard to acknowledge that my struggle has become a matter of life and death. On top of that, I've been feeling anxious about taking a shower after fainting a few times recently. Today, I'm hesitant to shower because I don't want to put Miguel in a position where he needs to rescue me. I shouldn't trouble him with this burden. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Shower<- I will only feel worse if I don't shower.]] [[Don't shower<- I will just skip a few times. I can't allow for my son to see his own mother faint in the shower.]] ]

Ever since I became unemployed, my husband has had to work twice as hard to cover all of our expenses. His long absences have caused tension between us, leading to frequent arguments and putting a strain on our relationship. As we're lying in bed he asks me: "Sofia, do you remember who recommended you the childcare service?" (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Ignore his question<- Can we talk about this later? I really want to sleep.]] [[Angry<- Why does that matter?]] ]

The next morning, two officers are standing outside my door, ready for another confiscation. My vehicle had already been seized a few months ago, and this time they're taking the TV from upstairs and the living room. I notice the neighbors gazing curiously from their windows, but their nosiness doesn't interest me. Hopefully they find some pleasure in the spectacle. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Living on a budget<- I shut the blinds]] ]

I requested a debt relief program three times. I got rejected each time, even after living in budget management for months (spending 30-40 euros per week) to prove that I'm able to do it. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Judge<- I object.]] [[Feeling dumb and insecure<- No one is willing to help me.]] ]

My husband and I have been living apart for two months now as the situation at home had become unbearable for our children. One day, I was sent to their school. They decided that (text-style:"expand")[(text-colour:#a40a0a)[I wasn’t able to take good care of my children]]. Instead, they should stay at their father’s house for the time being. We were supposed to go to the movies together the following week for my birthday. I tried convincing VeiligThuis, but they didn't allow my children to come. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Losing care over children]] ]

In the newspaper I read about a shooting incident in the Hague near a café in the Heerenstraat. I'm worried about Miguel, my husband lives in the Hague and I know he's often hanging around the streets somewhere with his friends. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Do nothing]] [[Call Miguel]] ]

Eventually, I noticed it's been very long since I've heard from him or Isabella. Then, upon checking his WhatsApp profile picture I discover he has blocked my phone number. Later I find out that VeiligThuis encouraged him to restrain from any contact with me. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[I just want to see my children.]] ]

As I gaze into the mirror, I see a woman who's become unrecognizable to me. Her hair has lost its luster and is wispy at the ends. The dark circles under her eyes seem to grow larger with each passing day. (text-style:"expand")[(text-colour:#a40a0a)[Sometimes, when I catch a glimpse of her reflection, I'm shocked to discover that it's me.]] But it's not just my appearance that's changed. The woman in the mirror seems like an empty shell, hollowed out and driven by instinct. She's not concerned with relationships, friends, or family. Her days aren't filled with colorful moments or the creation of beautiful memories. Her only goal is to survive. (text-style:"expand")[(text-colour:#a40a0a)[I failed as a mother, a wife, a friend. Most importantly, I failed myself.]] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Ending]] ]

#Sources * “Alleen Tegen De Staat - 2Doc.nl.” 2Doc.nl, 20 Sept. 2021, www.2doc.nl/documentaires/2021/09/alleen-tegen-de-staat.html. * www.tweedekamer.nl/sites/default/files/atoms/files/20201217_eindverslag_parlementaire_ondervragingscommissie_kinderopvangtoeslag.pdf * Frederik, Jesse. //Zo hadden we het niet bedoeld: de tragedie achter de toeslagenaffaire//. februari 2021. ##(text-colour:#a40a0a)[Important notices] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[(text-style:"underline")[Putting sensitive subjects at 'play'.] The objectives of this assignment structured us to create a 'fun' game. In order for games to succeed, a player must continue to play and should therefore remain motivated to do so. A most obvious way of achieving this, is by making the gameplay fun. However, generating a 'fun' game based on the traumatizing events of the Toeslagenaffaire can be considered unethical and offensive. This game tries to distance itself from any unserious or 'quirky' character and uses an alternative method to keep the player engaged. Throughout the storyline, one is given false hope of a favourable ending. Similarly to the experience the victims, we are given the impression that our actions influence our ending. Yet in reality, we all face one inescapable destiny. ]

(text-colour:black)[I twirl around my coffee cup. "Maria, I have a bad feeling about this. We've been doing fine so far, I don't see the need to change." She sighs, "//Querida//, you know I love Miguel and Isabella like my own children. But as my own children have spread their wings, I shouldn't let myself be restricted by someone else's any longer. You understand?" I suddenly feel a sense of guilt overflowing me. "You're right, I am terribly sorry for how many times I've depended on your babysitting. I don't even know what's stopping me." ] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Request the allowance]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

(text-colour:black)[I search for the website of the Belastingdienst and carefully read the conditions of the allowance.] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Request the allowance]] ] (enchant:?page,(bg:white))

Miguel finds me in the shower again. My husband is upset about how I have let things spiral out of control. However, I can’t afford a visit to the doctor, or buy any medicine. My illness continues to drain me of energy each day, making it impossible for me to complete any tasks. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Partner struggles<- Fight with my husband]] [[Partner struggles<- Continue to ignore the situation]] ]

After a while, my husband is upset about how I have let things spiral out of control. However, I can’t afford a visit to the doctor, or buy any medicine. My illness continues to drain me of energy each day, making it impossible for me to complete any tasks. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Partner struggles<- Fight with my husband]] [[Partner struggles<- Continue to ignore the situation]] ]

"How can you even be tired? All you do is sleep all day!" I can't believe he's said that. He knows how much that hurts me. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Hurt<- You know I'd rather be doing something else!]] [[Sorry<- I'm sorry for your big workload lately, but you know this issue is out of my hands.]] ]

"Tom from work suggested that we could hold someone responsible for part of the debt if we can prove who recommended us to sign up for the childcare service. He believes it could potentially lead to paying less." (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Crazy<- Are you out of your mind?]] [[Hesitant<- I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do.]] ]

"And YOU know that I'd rather be doing something else than working my a** off everyday." (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[He's done<- This isn't my fault.]] ]

He's silent. I hear him turn his back towards me. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[He's done<- Well? What do you mean to say?]] ]

"No I'm just thinking of solutions to get us out of this big mess that you've created!" (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[He's done<- That I've created?]] ]

"Well, what do you suppose we should do then? Why don't you finally come up with any solution to fix the huge mess you've made?" (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[He's done<- I didn't make this mess.]] ]

"Is it really not your fault?! Whose is it then? Mine?" "Please... don't raise your voice. The children are sleeping." "It's YOUR fault! I don't know where it went wrong but you should've paid more close attention." In silence tears roll down my eyes onto the pillow case. "Now I'm overworked, and you're worth nothing due to whatever the heck is going on with you. ... The kids are struggling in school, and we can't afford to let them participate in any activities, which has left them feeling isolated from their friends." After taking a deep breath, he adds,"... hell I don't even remember the last time I heard Isabella speak." (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[I know<- I know]] ]

"I know, and I'm sorry. I will fix it, I promise. I will make things work." I failed as a partner. Anything I touch falls apart. (text-style:"expand")[(text-colour:#a40a0a)[Sometimes, I wish I could just end it all.]] (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Confiscations<- Goodnight.]] ]

I stand before two judges. After explaining my entire story, pouring my heart out, I hear (text-style:"expand")[(text-colour:#a40a0a)[there's nothing they can do to help me.]] I've never felt so humiliated my entire life. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Feeling dumb and insecure<- Is there hope?]] ]

I call Miguel to warn him of the incident and I'm happy to be hearing his voice again. Later, upon checking his WhatsApp profile picture I discover he has blocked my phone number. Eventually I find out that VeiligThuis encouraged him to restrain from any contact with me. (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[I just want to see my children.]] ]

This year is Isabella's final year in elementary school. VeiligThuis has permitted me to attend the closing musical and I've been looking forward to this moment for a very long time. However, my children moved to a different city together with my husband and it has become difficult for me to travel. I no longer own a car, and I can barely pay for a train ticket. How do I pay for the ticket? (text-colour:#a40a0a)[ [[Look in the mirror<-Don't eat for the rest of the week.]] [[Look in the mirror<-Sell things from the house.]] ]

Besides inconveniences, recent events demonstrated the devastating impact of this phenomenon and a [[negligent government ]].

//Purple Crocodile in Red Letters// will make you experience the excruciating effect the Toeslagenaffaire has had on innocent citizens through their [[eyes]].

The game is an attribute to the victims Derya, Janet, Nazmiye, Badriah and Naoual, who shared their experiences in the documentary 'Alleen tegen de staat' by Stijn Bouma in 2021. As shocking as some of the lines might seem, (text-colour:#a40a0a)[these are actual quotes from the women involved.] Watch the documentary here: www.2doc.nl/documentaires/2021/09/alleen-tegen-de-staat.html. [[Too good to be true<-Start the game]]